yesterday after my work, he came to pick me up. i was initially very angry with him as he did not feel the importance when i asked him if we can meet for MAC breakfast in early moring. he did not turn up and told me his mum was following him to collect the car.

i felt sort of upset. like why am i always eager to meet him but to him its like a big chores to meet me. i am upset that he sometime choose to stay home and watch TV then to take the effort to come pick me up from my night shift. i really cannot feel that he care about my safty in any way. i feel that he would only think of me after he watched finish his whole TV programe.

sometime he make me feel so loved. but sometime i feel he doesnt even care. soem time i feel so fortunate to be loved even though i am not any beauty. but sometime he jus make me feel so worthless and unimportance.

i know it had all been a pass. but i still can't help but had the tot of whether he would treat her the way he treated me. and i would feel totally umwanted and sad.

i loved how he hug me whenever he make me angry or sad. how he wipe my tears off when i cry. how he "seemed" to try and make it up when i am angry. and everytime i would give in and the day would end normally again.

i feel that i am so lousy, i cant seems to keep up with my anger on him for more that 2 days. and i would forgive him eventually after the 2 days. i wondered if this was the casue that he never afraid to make me angry, never keep me in his mind for long and never regard me as high importance. but people told me it cause of this factors that keep my relationship going.

but yesterday i was truely sad and hurt by his answer to my casual question. i felt all the things he did was all fake. all the kisses.. the eagerness showed whenever i am angry... the hugs.... and everything where all fake!!!!!!!

i am a nobody to him.... i am jus another gal for his pleasure and selfishness. ... i am the last thing he would ever think about...... i meant nothing to him....

i asked him whether he would consider bringing me along for his brother wedding... and he gave and immediated answer of No.... that was already hurt... but when i asked agine why? and he say why should bring?? it took me soem courage and hesistance to bring myself to ask the next question... "but... i am your girlfriend".... and he jus gave me the most hurting answer ever... a one word ... "So?"......... my heart almos break apart....

well.... so what if i am his gf?.... i still a nobody... and not really importance person in his life for him to even think of......

ITS ALL A PACK OF LIE!!!

he might have loved me at some moments... but so what?? so what??? what the big deal????


only i would try to reserved my day for him and hopething that he would make time for me... only me taking the effort each day to weait till 11pm for him to give me the ring of the day... and most of time its always me who send him the message to check howhe was doing... maybe to him all these are not things he feel is really a need to do... to him... there is always anotherday to chat... another day to meet.... another day and another day... so what if i missed this day??? i jus have to rest and sleep first since i am tired....

everything... eventhough i am angry with him.... in my heart... i would throw out as many reasoning as i can to explain for his forgetfullnes... his not so thoughtfulness... his carelessness.... and all that tiny fault that i shouldnt have take into mind so much.... "he is not at wrong".... i am being difficult and unreasonable... not understanding.. i am the one at fault....

but yesterday.... i konw... i am really not any importance to him.. for him to even consider for any of his future decision....